he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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