I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
