Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
