i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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