I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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