Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
