I smell stomach acid.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
