Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
