marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
