do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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