so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
