this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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