I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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