this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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