You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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