Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You need a sexual gate keeper
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
