SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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