No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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