we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
