Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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