I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
