I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
