i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
