evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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