i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
