I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
