Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
