Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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