I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My bed smells like the plague
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
