Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
