You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
