Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
