Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
