Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
