I skipped work to stalk him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize