i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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