i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize