I hate all girls vehemently.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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