No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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