I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
