Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
