come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
