I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
