I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
