these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sext me about skeletons
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
