Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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