apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
