my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ttyl tear gas
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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