my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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