we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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