i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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