I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
