Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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