He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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