): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
