we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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