I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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