You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
