We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
