She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
