she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
