He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
