i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
