She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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