do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
