Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
