Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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