life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
