Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
